Weekend Silliness and Shameless Plugging

 I've been to tons of the Trader Joe's in the area, but my favorite is the one by our house now.

Tonight, Husband wanted to get something to drink, and so we made a vow that we'd go together since neither of us wanted to go at all, but both of us wanted to have a good time. He initially wanted to go to this sketchy convenient store nearby.

(A month or two ago)P: Have you been to that convenient store by our house?

Me: Uh, yeah. A long time ago.

P: When?

Me: Well, about 6 years ago, I was on lunch, but I didn't bring anything to eat. I wanted something fast and cheap. So I bought a Hot Pocket there. I had indigestion the rest of the day.

P: You did buy a Hot Pocket.

Me: This was worse than most, and I haven't had a hot pocket OR been to that convenient store since. I still get stomach cramps when I think about it.

P: I went in yesterday for the first time after dark, and it's CREEPY. Like, Twilight Zone creepy. I'm pretty sure that it only exists so that people who are too drunk or high to drive to the store can walk there.

Me: What I'm gathering is that it looks the same as it did the last time I was there.

P: I don't think anyone ever cleans it, and the frozen food may have been there for years. I tried to get out as soon as possible.

Me: There in lies the other reason I haven't returned. Other than the fact that we moved many states away and then moved back.

The other night when we had to leave to get one thing (is it EVER one thing?), Parker lobbied for us to go there since it was close. "You won't have to dress up," he said. "Well, I'm definitely not going to if that's where we're going," was my response.

Then Parker decided he'd see if Trader Joe's was still open. It was, so we went in and ran into one of my friends, because most people from my elementary to high school years have not moved more than 30 miles in any direction from the center of town. We discussed Game of Thrones and House of Cards and how I had once promised said friend cookies, but not just any cookies, specifically burnt ones. This went on until the conversation got awkward, then we talked about it being awkward, and then we moved onto opposite sides of the store where we continued to run into each other so we said hello and goodbye about three more times. Because it's rude to ignore people you still see, and I might be incapable of doing so.

We get up to the check out line. The clerk starts loading and gets to the third bag.

P: You can just put it all together.

Clerk: All in two bags? Okay. (Starts pulling out the bread and lighter foods and fitting in the bottles.)

Me (concerned): Hon, I don't think that's a good idea. What if the bag breaks? What if the alcohol breaks? I might cry. (I remember someone else is in our presence.) Okay, I wouldn't cry, but I'd be pretty upset. It's WHY we left the house.

P: Yeah, for one thing!

Me: We have about 30 items in our bag, so yeah, it's pretty on par with any grocery run.

Clerk (noticing my rainbow patterned pants): Are you guys in your PAJAMAS?

[This is the shirt my mother-in-law bought us when we lived in Houston. I still wear it all the time, because that's what transplants who move home do...or maybe it's just me.]

Me: Oh! (I take note of my pajamas and Parker's which may or may not include slippers.) ...yes. We were going to go--uh, somewhere else, and that place is crappy. So there was no reason to change. But we decided to see if Trader Joe's was open, it was, and I forgot we were wearing pajamas until just now.

Clerk: Here, you guys get my last chocolate.

Me: Oh yay, thank you!

P: Hon, will you take a bag?

Me: I'm busy holding onto this chocolate. Ooooh! It's mint. (I crumple my sample cup from the coffee and put it in the bag.)

P: What are you doing?

Me: What? I'm putting it in the bag!

P: That's where the groceries are!

Me: I'm not just going to GIVE her our garbage. That's rude. I can throw it away when we get home. (I'm told this is a super Portlandly concept, like the fact that my co-worker got angry because I threw away ANY piece of paper in the garbage as opposed to recycling even though I KNOW they don't take certain pieces of paper depending on the size/color/etc. Sorry, Pdx recycling, I now recycle unrecyclable things to avoid work conflicts.)

Clerk: You guys are HILARIOUS!

Me: Thanks! Have a great night!

Clerk: You too.

Trader Joe's is open until 9pm, and their staff is SPECTACULAR.

The very next day, I learned that one of my old co-workers had gone there for the first time! She went to the location where I once had a discussion with one of the help desk people who looked like Cypher from The Matrix. He tried to explain to me where the post office was. I drove around and learned he was RIGHT, and I didn't actually know the street name so when I said I knew where it was, I was in fact lying. I called to tell him that he was right, but when someone else answered the phone, I couldn't describe him, and figured she'd think I was insane if I said, "You know Cypher from The Matrix? Imagine he aged a few years, and THAT'S THE GUY I'M TALKING ABOUT."

Source: Popscreen.com Can't you just see this guy at Trader Joe's?

Since I never saw him at Trader Joe's ever again, he never learned that he was right about the post office from a customer, and if you've EVER worked with customers you know how rare this is and how pertinent it is that he know this. If you go to the Shepherd Street Trader Joe's in Houston, you tell him I said he was right about the post office.